Advice On Drug Addicted Spouses
posted on 10/01/2009
Have you found drug paraphernalia in your spouse or partner's belongings? Crack, cocaine, heroin, extasy, meth, ice, special K, acid, mescaline. All killers in one way or another. Is this a new problem or an old one revisiting your life? Either way, there are some basic facts you need to know.
Assuming you love your partner and want to give him the greatest chance of not destroying your relationship, you should obey the golden rule of "Follow Your Heart". Drug addiction is however different, than following your heart generally. You can use this rule in making decisions that are best for you, your children and your the addicted spouse. "Follow Your Heart" in reality means
"Do What is Best". If the addicted spouse is abusive or dangerous, your heart will tell you that you have to leave, even if it's just a temporary separation. Following your heart is the golden rule because God is in our hearts. Narcotics Anonymous has a central belief to their recovery. That belief is in a "Higher Power", therefore your heart and your higher power should guide you in dealing with your spouse's problem.
Confrontation can be hard. No, it IS hard. You should write a list of all possible outcomes of a confrontation. For example: He/She might cry. Threaten suicide. Become physically violent. Break items. Throw things. Lock him/herself in a room. Promise to quit on their own. Deny use of drugs all together.
Next to each possible outcome, you should write down the solution on how to get through the situation. Typically, the solutions will all involve having other people present.
You should research the drugs that your spouse is taking. Each drug addiction comes with expected behaviors. Be ready for these behaviors to show during your conversation with your spouse. Be strong. The things the addict say and does are hurtful, but mostly are not true to the person underneath the addict.
Be ready for non-cooperation, refusal to quit, refusal to get treatment. Have your responses ready. Set your spouses expectations of what is required, and the consequences of what will happen should the requirements not be met. Included in the requirements should be counseling, psychiatry, a drug treatment center or any combination of these and more. Harder for you will be following through with the consequences.
You MUST follow through. It is better to leave your spouse for 2 weeks to get the message across than it is to watch your loved one overdose, lie, endanger everyone around them and so on. During your leave of absence, enjoy your time and relax. At this point, you likely need it. Do NOT feel guilty for sticking to your guns. Your presence with your spouse will NOT prevent them from doing drugs. At this point they will do drugs with, or without you around.
Patience within reason. Becoming drug free doesn't happen overnight. Always know this... an addict will quit when they are ready. All you can do is try to speed up their thought process into realizing which is more important, the drugs or their life. Know your resources and use them. Narcotics Anonymous has a diverse group of people ready to help, as do other organizations. Ask for help. Don't go it alone.
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bwagner says:
(52d 10h 3min ago)
I wrote this article because my husband is in N/A, 20 years drug and alcohol free. I have been drug free (by my own choice) for 7 years. For me, I had to face the possibility of death and losing the ones that cared about me. I hope this article helps someone out there.