Requested: Advice On Having A Parent Thats A Narsasist.
posted on 07/04/2009
i am only 13 and at the minute im going through alot. my dad always wants to spend time with me which i dont mind doing, but just not in 110 degree faronheight weather. because he thinks the world evolves around him, i have to do every little thing he tells me to "or else". He's constantly complaining and dumping literally ALL his stress on me. iv'e tryed talking to him and try and handle our situations like an adult but he acts like a child and starts shouting, insulting me and gives me lectures for hours and hours sometimes from 9 at night until 3 in the morning. his narsasism controls him and is now starting to control me. how do i handle a parent with narsasism?
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Previous Comments
Keith1 says:
(127d 3h 25min ago)
First of all, Jennayfuur, you are very mature for your age, and I think that having to deal with your dad has contributed to you being so mature.... So kudos for that.... Next, I'm sorry that you have to go thru the mess you have.... You said, I have to do every little thing he tells me to "or else".... What is an example of "or else"?....
from....
http://mental-health.families.com/blog/the-aging-narcissistic-parent-2
...It is this behavior that is frightening to a child. The very thought that if they do not go on pleasing the narcissistic parent they will be ignored and therefore unloved is scary. Hence the narcissistic parent has a powerful hold on the emotions of their child....
The first step in removing yourself from the hold of an overly demanding narcissistic parent is admitting that your parent suffers from NPD. This is not as easy as it may sound, as many a child of a narcissist will tell you. It is extremely difficult for an adult child to come to grips with the fact that their parent never did, and never will love them in the way that they needed and wanted to be loved. This feeling is not exclusive to children of narcissists.
Once the admission is made, practical steps are needed to enable the child to successfully live in the same world as their narcissistic parent. You must be aware of your own tendencies to let the parent control you. You must always remember who you are dealing with, and the powerful methods they employ to keep you right where they want you. It is unrealistic to think that you can "be yourself" in the presence of a narcissist and not be contolled and spit out by them. You need to create a mental shield that you can wear each time you have contact with your parent. You must learn a different way of dealing with this person, one that you do not use in dealing with others.
SO JENNAYFUUR - CAN YOU REDUCE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR DAD, BY SPENDING MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS, OR ACQUIRING SOME FRIENDS? THIS WILL NOT HELP YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAD, NOR HELP YOUR DAD, BUT IT WILL REDUCE THE STRESS ON YOU.
ALSO GOOGLE THIS PHRASE - how to deal with a narcissistic parent
Also
http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/health/narcissistic.html
THERE IS A LOT TO READ, SO TAKE YOUR TIME, AND READ IT OVER SEVERAL DAYS, SOME OF IT WON'T MAKE SENSE BUT SOME OF IT WILL
jtrombetti says:
(127d 0h 47min ago)
Jennyayfuur - I feel for you. I grew up in a similar situation and it's tough, especially at hour age. It is extremely difficult dealing with a narsasistic parent, because a parent is supposed to lend guidance, support and criticism in a constructive loving way to help a child gain independence and confidence to deal with what life throws his or her way.
Since you do sound so intelligent I recommend you educate yourself as much as you can about narsasism and find ways to blame your Dad's behavior on his condition and not on him. You must find a way to keep your self-worth up (reading your request I see your self worth as being very strong). Don't be afraid to talk to other adults and peers that you feel close to about your fears and concerns, and take Keith's recommendations as to the websites listed. Meantime, as much as your Dad wants to spend time with you, it might be best to try and limit time spent to those times when you have the support of other members of your family around you.